“Bend Over Baby, I’ll Make You Protest”
If you’ve ever run any sort of adult-oriented internet site that’s open to comment, you’ll be familiar with a certain sort of Beavis-and-Butthead trollery, typified by short, crude comments like the title of this post. It’s reactive to the material (usually pictures) being commented on, but it’s usually leering, crude, and brief to the point of being sub-literate.
Needless to say, Naked Protesters attracts a lot of that sort of commentary, but it almost always gets caught in moderation and silently deleted with the penis pill spam.
Today, however, the Naked Protesters moderation queue contained an astonishingly focused burst of this raw troll energy. A man going by the handle of DudeWithPants, and offering a fake URL suggesting hostility to nudity, posted an astonishing thirty five comments in just fifty minutes. The comments, as you will see, portray an incredible mental mixture of lustful leering, misogyny, homophobia, authoritarianism, body judgment, and good old-fashioned crudity, all delivered in that sharp-elbow-to-the-ribs fake-jocularity style that’s designed to allow the speaker to retreat into “hey, I was just joking” at the first sign of criticism.
Silently deleting this fluxus would have been the normal moderation response, but it just seemed wrong, somehow, to do so. The comment set, taken together, feels like an an accidentally artistic artifact, an unselfconscious self-portrait of some widely-known but rarely-photographed internet beast.
Accordingly, the comment set is below the cut. These comments will not appear on their respective posts, because such material is a sort of sludge that not only contaminates what it comments on, but also tends to invite copycat commenting from likeminded others. And now, today’s zoological exhibit:
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I’d like to milk that cow!
Apr 23, 11:52 PM — comment on the post “Pregnant Nude Protester”
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Have vodka will fuckie fuckie
Apr 23, 11:51 PM — comment on the post “Russians Are Fucked”
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girl on the right is the President of the itty bitty titty committee, or maybe its someones little brother?
Apr 23, 11:47 PM — comment on the post “More “Breasts Not Bombs””
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If she wants to be a chicken I might can make her cluck.
Apr 23, 11:48 PM — comment on the post “PETA Girl In A Chicken Wire Cage”
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From the looks of these two I might like to see that just to be sure they are telling the truth!
Apr 23, 11:49 PM — comment on the post “No Pubic Hair”
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The one on the right is a Hells angel and the next to her has back boobs.
Apr 23, 11:50 PM — comment on the post “Unclear On The Concept”
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Dr. Zues on crack!?!?
Apr 23, 11:35 PM — comment on the post “Lady Godiva by Doctor Seuss”
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I coulda painted myself up like a tiger and jumped in there with her. I bet she wasn’t there long. The Charlotte Coppers take no crap!
Apr 23, 11:37 PM — comment on the post “The PETA Tiger”
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looks like drunk fireman to me.
Apr 23, 11:38 PM — comment on the post “Mooned By Firefighters”
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waste of paint!
Apr 23, 11:39 PM — comment on the post “Naked Coeds In Chile”
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Its cause shes been drinking to much mad dog 20 20
Apr 23, 11:44 PM — comment on the post “Standing Naked On A Pay Phone”
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I don’t know who the hell she is but somebody please put a shirt on her! ooo, she gross.
Apr 23, 11:45 PM — comment on the post “Royal Naked Protest”
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I think he needs to wipe better. I see some turd.
Apr 23, 11:23 PM — comment on the post “Naked Moon Of Protest”
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Nice little titties.
Apr 23, 11:23 PM — comment on the post “Naked French Protester”
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she looks pissed.
Apr 23, 11:24 PM — comment on the post “College Kids Against Clothes”
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That is profanity in public. I’m not fond of him either but we should have a little respect for the president. She looks like a whore with that weave.
Apr 23, 11:26 PM — comment on the post “Fuck Bush”
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They are top less and they look good. I’d like to get on that boat and help paddle.
Apr 23, 11:28 PM — comment on the post “Naked Women’s Crew Team”
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Thats just gross!!!
Apr 23, 11:29 PM — comment on the post “Public Garden Nudity?”
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Oh crap Lesbians! Old ugly lesbians. RUUUUUUNNN
Apr 23, 11:30 PM — comment on the post “Berkeley Against Bush”
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I want the angry one with the big mouth on the left. I like girls with big mouths
Apr 23, 11:31 PM — comment on the post “Naked At Berkeley, Again”
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PETA- People Eating Tasty Animals. I just ate some chicken, but I’d have her for desert!
Apr 23, 11:32 PM — comment on the post “PETA Activist In Bondage”
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I think hes tweeking her nip. Is that against departmental policy
Apr 23, 11:33 PM — comment on the post “Arresting A Naked Protester”
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So how did the black dude get into a group called pretty girls against furs? I’m not sayin’ I blame him, he just ain’t a pretty girl.
Apr 23, 11:22 PM — comment on the post “Pretty Girls Against Fur”
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Just wierd!
Apr 23, 11:19 PM — comment on the post “Breasts Not Bombs”
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I do that on a regualr basis to my woman. Keeps her in line!
Apr 23, 11:20 PM — comment on the post “Spanked Protester”
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I would have had to give them the breathalyzer test before I let them go.
Apr 23, 11:18 PM — comment on the post “Flashing The Man In Ithica”
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Chick on the right is cute. Chick on the left looks like a guy with tits and the one in the middle looks like her mother. Is this a mother daughter event?
Apr 23, 11:12 PM — comment on the post “Hippy Women Marching”
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He knows that only the fat girls at Princeton get nude and he doesn’t want to partake. Smart guy!
Apr 23, 11:13 PM — comment on the post “No Nudes?”
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2md one from the right is a cow. 2nd one from the left is a man. I’ve got more titty than that.
Apr 23, 11:08 PM — comment on the post “Got Milk?”
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Damn hairyasses hippies. Make me wanna throw up my wheaties.
Apr 23, 11:09 PM — comment on the post “Protest Naked”
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SHe could put an eye out with one of those things. Should they not be strapped down for safety?
Apr 23, 11:03 PM — comment on the post “Pump It!”
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What a pic. A boob that is close to dragging the ground. More armpit hair than a lumberjack. And get a load of the tatooed thing behind her. Where do you have to go to find such strangeness?
Apr 23, 11:05 PM — comment on the post “More Nudity Than Usual”
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I like them all better than the giant sagging tit and armpit hair in the last pic!
Apr 23, 11:07 PM — comment on the post “Nude Women Of London”
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Put some damn clothes on. I don’t want to see no naked guys and no naked fat women. UUUUUggg
Apr 23, 10:59 PM — comment on the post “London Naked Bike Ride”
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Looks like a sick greasy looking pervert with his rubber boyfriend out on a date. Someone needs to get a life!
Apr 23, 11:02 PM — comment on the post “Naked Sex Doll Protest”
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sending...
I know there are idiots out there, but this guy is a total moron.
Just saw this comment. The saddest thing of all, these are probably the most intelligent things he has said. Speaks rather badly for him.